Transition to Mortality

       I have been living too long under the assumption that I will be rich and I will live forever. Out of (desperation? stagnation? disillusionment?) I have noticed a transition in myself toward the belief, or at least the desire to pretend I believe, that I will continue to be poor, unless I begin to act differently, and that I will die after a normal lifespan.

     This can be to my advantage. When I was immortal, I was in no rush - I could learn Gaelic and Chinese, and read every book in the library.  Now that I am again mortal, I must choose. I will not learn Gaelic and I will have to choose wisely the books I will read in my alloted time. No longer can I say "someday, someday, someday" but must act decisively if things are to change.

     So what's wrong in my life? Just that I use "some day" way too much. It's time to force the issue - to live with intention and direction - to light the dynamite. True, I am once again looking for a job, and I am once again casting my net wide. But this is a step, and a step in any direction is good.